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Minecraft - BROTHER PIG is Toby Turner's first Minecraft video. It was uploaded on September 22, 2011.

TranscriptEdit

  • Toby: Hello once again, audience. I mean, not really "once again," I don't know, if you haven't watched my stuff before there's no "once again," but ... uh...
  • I played Terraria, and now, it's time to upgrade to 3-D.
  • Not upgrade in terms of -this game is necessarily better - I've never played it.
  • But I'm gonna be bad at it. That's the one thing you pretty much know.
  • [Creates new survival world, names it WorldBuscus]
  • [World loads] [World generates, Toby spawns]
  • Worldbuscus! [Jumps into pond, screen starts flashing black lines] Oh my god. Oh, my computer's gonna have a heart -
  • [Toby goes underwater for a split second, then surfaces]
  • Oh my god, I'm gonna drown already.
  • [Gets out of water] Okay.
  • Where's the music? I wanna hear the music.
  • [Walks toward a sandy hill] This is pretty. Look at you! It's like a little bedroom. Like a - my little - my bedroom as a kid - [Goes toward tree, cuts down branch]
  • [Looks down, strikes a mushroom out of the ground] Aww, everything's made of blocks - and - there's - what is that? Aww, I killed it.
  • Oh, no, [continues walking toward hill] [sees pig] What the hell?
  • Hey, little piggy! Can I ride you into battle?
  • [Jumps on it, falls off] How do you ride pigs into battle? Aww, man - [follows pig around] Piggy! There's a battle on the horizon!
  • [Starts grunting, shouting] Good god! [unintelligible] Piggy! [accidentally hits pig, which runs away] God dang it! Piggy!
  • I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Piggy, no, no, no, no - come here. [Toby walks toward pig, hits it again] I love you.
  • I'm just kiddin. [pig runs away again] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Aww, he trusted me. Aww.
  • [sees second pig] [to the first pig] Look at your - look at your sister. [laughs] Look at your sister, brother pig. [hits pig repeatedly]
  • [runs after pig, hitting it] [laughs] Oh, brother pig - [laughs] I'm going to eat your sister's pork...body for din-din - and I'm going to...that sounded gross, I'm going to change it...[speaks too softly to understand]...and that sounded even worse
  • Music! [kills pig] I've upgraded to - Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, no - I don't get any bacon.
  • [walks toward second pig] I don't get any bacon. [stops] I'm sorry.
  • [walks to second pig] (Toby has switched the genders of the pigs) Hey, hey, she was kinda stupid anyway, right? She was kinda controlling - remember? That one time you wanted to go to disco [unintelligible] - remember that? And she was like, You can't dance for nothin. And you were like, I..I...I don't care! I...I'm gonna dance my heart out! And she was like, Good luck, brother pig. Good luck. And then she told all your friends that you peed the bed that one time. Remember? Hey. Hey. Hey. Shhh. Shh. Shh. Shh. I'll never say that ever, brother pig. Come with me. We'll go forth, brother pig. [walks away from pig]
  • [laughs] What the hell am I doing? [starts hitting a tree] I'm wasting valuable time.
  • Okay, I'm going to chop this tree down with my bare hands. Like Lumberjackbuscus. [doesn't hurt the tree at all] What the hell?
  • [walks away from tree] What am I supposed to do? [laughs] I'll get some mushrooms. [collects mushroom from ground] Put them in my pocket. (Toby starts talking in a British accent) There we go. Don't mind if I do.
  • Now. Oh. [sees tutorial message] "Press E to open inventory." Done. [opens inventory] [gets achievement 'Taking Inventory'] I got a mushroom.
  • [closes inventory] [collects more mushrooms] Oh, double mushroom! [opens inventory, sees 4 mushrooms] I've got a double one. [realizes there are 4] Oh, I've got four!
  • [closes inventory] [sees a pig swimming in a pond] Oh, are you taking a swim in a puddle? Aww, you're gonna drown. [starts hitting pig] Not if I kill you first! [laughs] Big mistake, piggy! [kills pig] [collects raw porkchops and XP points] I'm the worst swimming instructor you would've ever had. That'll be $49.95. Thank you.
  • Thank you, thank you -[gets out of pond] gosh, that music makes me really wanna go off on an emotional story tanget - with all the pigs in the world! [starts digging sand on edge of pond] Aww, I love pigs -[collects seeds lying on the ground] Ooohh!
  • What the hell? Woah, woah, woah. Hold on. [opens inventory] Hold on. What just happened? What just happened? [sees that he collected 'seeds'] Seeds? Hell yeah. [puts it in crafting square] Put that on my body. [closes inventory, drops seeds on ground] Yeah, I got seed armor - Oh, I dropped it. [goes to pick it up] Pick it up! Silly. [opens inventory, tries to put seeds on as armor] Put it on your body. Hell yeah. [places seeds in crafting square, closes inventory, drops seeds again]
  • What does that do, nothing? That just drops it! [picks it up, then picks up sand] Okay, so crafting - not a way to attack with something.
  • [looks at sand] Sand? Okay, [sees seeds in his hand] here we go. I see. We use seeds as a weapon. I'm going to plant a seed. [hits seed at ground, which does nothing at all] Boo yah! That didn't do anything. [hits seed at grass, mowing it] Oh man, I'm tearing up some grass and some seed [sees mushroom on ground, strikes it] Whassup, shroom? Whatcha doin?
  • [holds mushroom, goes after a pig] Oh, I'm gonna hit you in the face with a mushroom, piggy. [hits pig with mushroom, pig runs away] [laughs] Do you like it? Mmm? [follows pig] He's hallucinating. That's why he's running away. [keeps hitting pig with mushroom] There's a dragon! (Toby starts shouting unintelligible things) There's a dragon! And a guy with a mushroom! And he's beating me senseless.
  • Come here, buddy. I'm done. [kills pig] I'm not going to do it again. [collects raw porkchops and XP points] I promise. Oh, I lied.
  • [holds raw porkchop] I lied, piggy. Oh, I feel bad right now. [strange grunting noise] What the hell is that sound? What the hell is that sound? What the hell is that sound? [looks at a pig] Piggy? What is that? [walks to ocean shore] Did I make the pigs really mad? Are they coming to have vengeance? [strikes mushroom on the ground, takes it]
  • [he hears the noise again, this time the viewer can tell that it's a zombie] Somebody has some bad asthma, piggy. [walks into a group of pigs] I'm gonna craft an inhaler for you, buddy. [walks away from group] I'll be back.
  • Inhaler for the piggy, I promise man. Okay? I swear. [collects 3 more mushrooms] Your piggy ancestors - I will find a way to craft some albuterol - put it into a titanium casing [sees pig swimming way out in the ocean] How long have you been there for, Piggy?
  • [jumps into ocean, starts to fall down] Oh, no! No - [swims up to the surface] [starts swimming above the surface toward the pig] You're a fatty fat. That means you're gonna be delicious. [laughs]
  • [turns around, starts to swim back] Okay. I'm not gonna kill the pig. Okay, what do I do? [opens inventory] Let's look at this again. [holds sand] [starts digging some dirt in the ground] Let's get some dirt, shall we? [collects 3 dirt] There we go. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talkin about. [collects 2 more] I'm harvesting some dirt-grass!
  • Oh, this feels good! [walks toward a hill] I just harvested - [strikes grass, collects it] Now I'm gonna go take a nap. [walks past a pig in the same place the first pig was] Bye, bye, pigs. Thank you. [starts hitting a tree with a mushroom] Thank you for joining me. [sees he's making progress] Can I - [wood block falls] Oh, yeah! Oh, you're goin down, tree! [laughs] [collects 1 more block, sees that the tree doesn't fall] Okay, you are not goin down at all. [gets achievement 'Getting Wood'] But I'm gonna harvest your chunks. 'Getting Wood'! That's an achievement. [laughs] Oh, Notch. You make my insides smile. [collects 3 more blocks of wood] And I don't even know how that's possible, but - [walks away from tree] It's really weird. But it happens. There it is. Put it all out there, Notch. [chops down tree branches, collects seed on the ground]
  • Oooh! What is that? That's like a big big seed seed. [starts hitting dirt with big seed] [collects it] Boo yah!
  • [turns around] okay, right click, what do I right click? [plants seed on ground] I planted it! [collects it, plants seed in a hole] Now, I punched it and I planted it again. In a little hole. [walks away from hole]
  • A ground hole - [collects mushrooms] I'll check on you some day, little seedling. [starts hitting tree with his hand] Mark my words, seedling. [destroys one block of wood] Listen to my happy - Look at this. I'm frickin pummelling a tree with my fist hands. [destroys one more, collects it] I'm the worst lumberjack. Or the best [collects 3 more] Man, if real lumberjacks were over there with axes, they'd be like - My god! Is that Bruce Lee? [Toby walks away from tree] Why is he a lumberjack in profession? Why is he not fighting ninjas in a falling -
  • Oh my god, I had a dream last night. I had a dream that - let me tell you about it. Okay, so, [starts walking torward the sandy hill he was walking to at the beginning] [turns away, hits tree] I was in a parking lot, first of all. And my friend, [destroys 1 block of wood] I don't know -I was with my friend - and I guess - somebody started shooting at us [destroys another block] - so I guess - he jumped out of the car to drop something - so I drove away. [destroys another] anyway, needless to say, he's not my friend anymore. But.. um... [destroys another] So I drove away and then I saw Chuck Norris. [destroys another] in a tae kwon do suit. [destroys another] He had a purple belt - [walks away from tree, collects red mushroom] Which mean he's been taking tae kwon do for quite some time - and he had a sword. [starts hitting another tree with red mushroom] he was staring at the bad guys with guns [destroys a block of wood] And so I walked up to Chuck Norris and I pulled out my iPhone and I started recording [destroys another] And I was like, Audience? What are you doing staring at Chuck Norris? And he was like, Dude - there's guys with guns over there [destroys another] And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a Youtuber. [destroys another] And he's like, ugh. [laughs]
  • [destroys another block of wood] Anyway, I've restarted the Lazy Vlog with my iPhone. He's like, you're doin it again? I'm like, yeah, I ruined the first take! [destroys another block] Stupid Chuck Norris. And he's like, Oh, my bad. And then we made a video and it got a million views and we lived happily ever after. [starts digging on the ground] [collects dirt] The end. [opens inventory] Okay.
  • Wood. Put you in my - [puts wood in crafting square] Hell yeah! I'm gonna make some planks - [puts four in his inventory] [starts experimenting with the crafting square] Dirt, dirty wood, wood sand, meat - I'm gonna carry some of that meat with some dirt - Hell yeah. That didn't do nothin. Mushroom? What you gonna do? Get in that - Put two shrooms together - put two shrooms in a room together - [laughs] that rhymes. That's cute
  • Okay, so pork chops, that does nothing - nothing, planks - wood, nothingness - I want a weapon! Audience, I'm stoned, aren't I. Hell yeah. [collects seed from ground] I'm gonna get some stone. [laughs] [walks past pig in the same place the first pig was at the beginning] I'm gonna harvest - Watch me, piggy! I'm gonna harvest some stone with my bare pixel hands [walks to top of sandy hill, sees long expanse of sand and cacti] You watch! you'll rue the - Good god! I'm in the frickin desert. [hits cactus, collects it] Aww, man. Can I use the cactus as a weapon? [hits another cactus, collects it] Don't punch a cactus in real life. Just sayin. Punch a tree all you want, although that's probably a bad idea too. [sees small brown tree growing in the sand] [destroys it] Don't punch a cactus. Seriously. Do I need to tell you - Can I jump on here? (Toby is now at treetop level, and he jumps onto a tree) Aww, yeah! [laughs] I love it!
  • I'm on top of the world! Kinda. [looks down] Ooh! There's my stony - All right pigs! It was wonderful meeting you all! [gets down off tree, back onto the hill] I'm sorry I killed some of you but now I'm going to go harvest some stone with my fist. Peace off, pigs. [walks toward mountain] That's not meant to be offensive, that's just what I said - that's my outro [sees cloud] Can you harvest clouds?
  • [gasps] Can you harvest - the sun? [destroys another tiny brown tree] [laughs] [collects egg] [sees chicken] oooh! You laid an egg, little chicken! You're a cutie! I gotta pause it. [follows chicken, hits it once]
  • Thanks for watching! Click the annotation in the top right to watch the next video. Bless your face. If you sneezed during this video then bless you. Peace off. [pauses game] Boop! [outro music plays]

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